Parents and the "Wilderness of Childhood"
A couple of weeks ago, I threw a hissy fit over the influence of marketing and the media on young people’s academic habits. Afterwards, I received a couple of emails laying the blame for poor academic habits at parents’ feet. If parents weren’t missing in action, the argument went, young people would be less disruptive and more invested in school. I’m not sure it’s as simple as that.
A new British study of parenting is suggestive. It found that parents are more likely to spend time with their children and monitor their children’s activities that they were twenty years ago. The researchers speculate that that youth behavior problems in the UK reflect--you guessed it--“the influence of youth culture.”
Yes, this is a study of British families. Yet I wonder if we would find similar trends in the United States. American author Michael Chabon recently went so far as to lament the encroachment of adults on the time-honored freedoms of childhood:
The Wilderness of Childhood is gone; the days of adventure are past. The land ruled by children, to which a kid might exile himself for at least some portion of every day from the neighboring kingdom of adulthood, has in large part been taken over, co-opted, colonized, and finally absorbed by the neighbors.
Surely Chabon has a point. Thirty years ago, I made a daily ten-block trek--alone and on foot--to my elementary school. Try to do that now, even in the nation’s most well-heeled suburbs, and your parents will probably get a visit from child protective services. Many children seem to have little time away from adults. This despite evidence that they are in no greater danger today than they were decades ago. I know I’ll be filling my infant daughter’s coming years with play dates, rides to and from school, and other appointments.
There are all sorts of reasons for this protectiveness. For one, we are reacting to the 24-hour news cycle, which often features heartbreaking stories of child abduction. Chabon adds that adults are reacting to their own sense of guilt: They feel they’ve made a hash of the world, so they draw their children in more closely.
Perhaps advertising and other media targeting children and youth offer another reason for parents' protectiveness. Adults have colonized the “Wilderness of Childhood” in ways Chabon doesn't directly address. Some media are pulling young people into adulthood at ever-younger ages, peddling violent images and sexual identities to children. Parents are trying to keep their children out of that dark wood.
Parents have been much maligned for being either under-involved or overbearing, but they are operating in a very challenging environment. Are we giving them a bad rap?
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As a mother of four
As a mother of four recently-launched daughters (and author of a book on the benefits of studying abroad in safe, meaningful ways) I have to completely agree that parents are becoming increasingly more protective and this has a dramatic impact on kids. The paranoid parents set the tone, and those who give their kids more freedom are judged by those who let fear limit their kids' independence.
It's a tough cycle to break because negative news breeds more fear and a down economy stirs up anxiety about what our kids need to be "successful" adults. As a result, freedom to play is becoming more scarce as parents fill their kids' time with activities they feel are likely to give them an edge in some way.
Of course, what our kids really need is enough independence to develop confidence and competence, and an understanding that they can navigate in the world without adult supervision at all times. In addition, our kids need a chance to learn about their own interests and talents without having parents choose what is "best" for them.
When parents learn to let go of their fear (and yes, their ego as well) kids have room to grow into independent and thriving young adults.
This article is relevant to
This article is relevant to an eye-opening documentary recently aired on PBS stations across the nation.
"Where Do The Children Play" inspired by Elizabeth Goodenough reflects the state of childhood play in today's society.
With the advent of structured activities, concrete jungle-gyms and organized sports, children are missing crucial developmental skills that enable them to cope with the world as productive adults.
On the heels of this viewing I located an article related to this theme of the 'lost childhood',titled-The Importance Of Play written by Alix Spiegel,which I posted in my blog http://www.kindermusikkids.wordpress.com
Kudos to you for recognizing the irony of today's parenting deficiencies-or shall I say efficiencies.
As a mother I woefully recognize my inadequacy in providing too much. The aforementioned article and documentary provide some solid direction to incorporate the 'wildness' our children so desperately need.
My friend and I were talking
My friend and I were talking about how we drive our children around to this and that. We also spent time talking about how we grew up. We walked and rode bikes to wherever we wanted to go. I grew up in a one car family which my father drove to work. In summer, I would get up and leave in the morning not to return until sometimes late at night and never checking in between times. This was the norm in my neighborhood. There were no cell phones and honestly my mother probably didn't want to be bothered. She figured I'd call if there were a problem.
That was suburbia..... wow, how things have changed.
Now, our inner city children live a lifestyle similiar to the one I lived while our suburban children live a in a sheltered bubble. I often find it ironic how academically smart my own children are, yet how street stupid they can be. On the flip side, I teach in the inner city, these children are street brilliant, yet lag in academics.
My good friend adopted two inner city boys who spend quite a bit of time at my home as well. We are all so close that all of the kids consider each other true brothers and sisters. I laugh when they are together, like "Freak the Almighty", they become a set of Super Kids able to handle just about anything put in front of them.
These two boys have grown enormously since first being adopted three years ago. My children have grown enormously as well because of their relationship with the boys. All of their lives are the better just for knowing each other. It's amazing what a little mixing can do.
Maya and Annette (?)--Thank
Maya and Annette (?)--Thank you for your thoughts on the developmental importance of unstructured time. I will confess to some ignorance on this score, but I can see that things have certainly changed in the last 30 years.
Susan--You're right to point out the importance of socio-economic status to all of this. Single parents, teen mothers, parents who live in poverty, parents who work two jobs to make ends meet--all of these parents are much less likely than their more fortunate peers to leave their children no unstructured time. In fact, their children may have far too much unstructured time--and far too little exposure to the enrichment activities adults can offer. Your story of worlds coming together--and of the strengths suburban and urban children have been able to share--is very powerful.
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